March 32nd?

March 19, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. United States Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy Geithner, stunned White House reporters with news that the Obama administration is considering adding a day to the month of March, and they might also require workers to endure 12-hour days.  “The stimulus package has yet to kick-in, the market is a disaster, the AIG debacle has cost us billions, and we simply need more taxpayer revenues this month to pay our bills.  So, we’re thinking about adding an extra day to March so there’s more taxable income.  We’re calling it a Worker’s Surplus.”

As the press room buzzed with questions, Geithner went on to say, “It’s simple math.  There are only so many work days in a month, and only so much money coming in from the taxpayers.  Unless the situation changes immediately, every month may have to add a day or two.  And workers may have to shift to 12-hour days.” While Democratic members of the House are supporting the move, Republicans pledge to fight it to the end.  “This is bogus.  The Democrats want us to work more hours to pay for their spending,” said a red state representative.  “We propose being more conservative, and actually taking away a day or two from some months.  That would help us win the war on terror, and result in lower taxes for Americans.”

Citizens across the country are lining-up along party lines and joining the debate.  “I love the idea; it’s change we can believe in.  And maybe it’ll make my spring break longer,” said an Obama supporter.  But a southern Republican sees it differently.  “This is why I carry a gun; it’s these types of things that start civil wars.  I’m not gonna work an extra day so some tree-hugger can build a windmill in Vermont.”

If the Worker’s Surplus is passed, March would become the first month in history to have 32-days and the United States would be the first non-Communist country to require citizens to work 12-hour days.  The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet Blog will continue following this story and provide updates when news breaks.