March 20, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. On the heels of Barack Obama’s politically incorrect joke about his bowling performance being like the Special Olympics, congress has announced plans to give the group $1,000,000,000,000.
Speaker of the house, Nancy Pelosi said, “I want to be very clear: this has nothing to do with the President’s remark to Jay Leno last night. In this down economy when everyone is struggling, we think it’s important to look out for absolutely everyone.” She went on and admitted, “We’ve bailed out nearly everyone except Special Olympians. Now is the time to act before the situation becomes a total disaster and our economy crumbles.”
Majority leader, Harry Reid supports his colleague and commented, “America takes care of its own, no one is left behind. The country’s heart is big and the taxpayers’ pockets are deep. We think its prudent to take an extra 10% off the top of income tax and give it to the Special Olympics.” He closed out his statement with a direct message to Republicans. “Those who oppose this new tax are intolerant and obviously don’t care about the Special Olympics or anyone facing any kind of disability. And that is a form of racism, in my opinion.”
Upon being notified of the one trillion dollars gift, the head of the Special Olympics said, “We don’t need charity or a bailout. We consistently overcome life’s most difficult challenges on our own. But while we didn’t ask for this money, nor do any of us have any idea why it’s being given to us, we’re not crazy – we’ll take it.” He concluded by saying, “Ironically, we have some executives that have been working very hard and they deserve bonuses. This trillion dollars will come in handy.”
The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet Blog will continue monitoring this unprecedented new tax and provide updates when news breaks.