Megan, We Beg You

August 4, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet are trying to be uniters not dividers.  A shocking and sad incident took place on the evening of June 7, 2007, and our goal is to help heal a deep wound that is causing the country great sadness and harm.

sethrogenThe scene of the tragic incident was the stage at ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”  The hilarious Seth Rogen was being interviewed by Kimmel; it was his first appearance on the show.  The segment went very well, there were lots of laughs, and the audience felt the positive energy in the air.  But trouble was on the horizon, and the scene would soon turn to horror.

As Mr. Rogen’s segment with Kimmel ended, the show went to commercials.  When it resumed, it was now time for Kimmel to introduce his next guest – the lovely and talented Megan Fox.  Meanwhile, Rogen was asked to remain on-set during Fox’s segment so he could add to the conversation, as Fox was relatively unknown at this point.

Megan-Fox-CherryAs Miss Fox was introduced, she made a grand entrance and immediately began dazzling the unsuspecting audience with her confidence and beauty.  Mr. Kimmel graciously greeted her as she walked out, and he gave her the obligatory kiss on the cheek.  Things would soon fall off the rails.

As Megan moved towards her seat next to Jimmy Kimmel, she had to cross paths with Mr. Rogen.  Like any gentleman would, Rogen stood up, waited patiently and harmlessly, and prepared to give her the same, polite greeting she had just received from Mr. Kimmel. But in a flash of horror, Miss Fox snubbed Mr. Rogen on live TV and avoided any type of greeting.  No handshake.  No hug.  No kiss on the cheek.  Brutal.

This may have been the most tragic demonstration of emasculation we’ve ever seen on live TV.  While the two may not be a match made in heaven, the research clearly shows the “Hollywood Kiss” is to be expected; no matter what the combination of celebrities may be. Mr. Rogen hasn’t been the same since.  He doesn’t sleep well and his self-esteem is in the toilet.

The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet want to resolve this incident immediately so one of America’s funniest men can get his mojo back. We implore Miss Fox to meet Mr. Rogen on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” or at some other location, and give him the kiss he deserves so much.  This act of kindness and respect will go a long way in healing our great nation.

If you’d like to watch the horror of June 7, 2007, feel free.  But we warn you this video contains material that is highly offensive and will cause any man to squirm.

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