Tag Archives: Playboy

Week In Review: April 13-19, 2009

headlinesApril 17, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. It’s been a non-stop week of breaking news, and the reporters here at Thank God For the Intenet have compiled a ‘Need to Know Week in Review,’ featuring our favorite stories of the week.

  1. NBC has officially run out of ideas and morals.  They’ve hired impeached Governor Rod Blagojevich to be in one of their reality shows.

  2. In the “You Get What You Pay For” category, Domino’s Pizza hires complete idiots.  Think twice before you ever order from Domino’s again.  Seriously, you don’t want an ass-wipe sandwich.
  3. Sad.  John Madden has retired at the age of 73.  Frank Caliendo may replace him, as NBC executives are afraid they’ll lose viewers if they don’t find someone who can impersonate Madden, and shout “boom” and use Bret Favre references every 10-minutes.
  4. Will Fonzie and Joanie finally hook-up?  Will Mrs. C take on both Potsie and Ralph Malph in the Arnold’s bathroom?  Will Richie finally find his thrill on Blueberry Hill?  Maybe.  A Happy Days porno will be out soon.
  5. While Anderson Cooper was saying “tea bagging” over and over on his news show, thousands of American’s protested against government spending and higher taxes at Tea Parties held nationwide.  If the old stiffs at the FCC actually knew what “tea bagging” meant, CNN would be facing “Janet Jackson Nipple-Gate” types of fines.  Oddly enough, no tea was ever served at any of the parties.
  6. In the “We Need to Lighten Up” category, Carlie Christine, a Casa Robles High School cheerleading coach was fired from her job for appearing in Playboy.  “Gimme an H, gimme an O, gimme a T.”  Of course, she was ratted-out by jealous bitches who didn’t make the team.
  7. The end is finally near and our suffering will soon be over.  Exactly 20 years from now, an asteroid the size of a 25-story building will be dangerously close to Earth.
  8. The U.S. is now open to talking with Cuba.  Can you say, “Viva la cigarillo de Cuban?”
  9. In the “American Justice” category, if your ass is so wide it stretches  over to my seat, United Airlines will now be charging you double.  Think about that the next time you super-size your meal.
  10. The Yankees, and their $200-million-plus payroll, are off to a 5-5 start.
  11. Although she’s never starred in or written a hit movie, Mel Gibson’s wife may get $500,000,000 in the couple’s divorce settlement.  That’s a helluva bailout.  No wonder many are saying ‘no’ to marriage these days.
  12. The Los Angeles Board of Education is getting $180-million in stimulus funding.  So what do they do?  They vote to eliminate 5,400 teachers and support staff.   These are the people who are supposed to make our kids smart?
  13. Dave Matthews Band and Green Day both released new music this week.  To get the free DMB song, click here.  You’ll have to buy the new Green Day track, but it’s worth it.
  14. Jamie Foxx apologized for saying Miley Cyrus should catch Chlamydia and get a gum transplant.  She should have responded by saying he needs to learn how to tell better jokes, or that he wishes his old, middle-aged-ass could get a hot teenager.
  15. If you happen to be the one person who hasn’t watched the Susan Boyle video, don’t wait another minute and watch it right now by clicking here.
It has been a great week for news and we hope this recap has been helpful in keeping you up-to-date.  The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet say, “Go Lakers, go Nuggets, and have a nice weekend.”
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Bunny Battle ’09

April 10, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. Throughout this Easter weekend, adults around the world will worship and go to church, children will excitedly await a visit from the Easter Bunny, and Americans will tear apart their homes in search for a few coveted eggs.  But the reporters here at Thank God For the Internet won’t have time to celebrate, as we’re organizing the first annual Bunny Battle.

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Which bunny is king of them all?  Which do you prefer?  Is it the pet bunny, Bugs Bunny, the Easter Bunny, or the Playboy bunny?  Please celebrate this Easter weekend by casting your ballot in this very important election.


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Models UFC Coming Soon?

modelfightMarch 16, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. A brawl and stampede broke out at auditions for America’s Next Top Model in New York City last weekend.  And while the incident has been labeled a tragedy, it has left some wanting to capitalize by creating an ultimate fighting league for models.

An MMA trainer who witnessed the melee said, “Think about the potential for Lingerie UFC, Hardcore Hottie Fighting, or even MMAM (Mixed Martial Arts Models). I saw the rage in those girls’ eyes.  If we can bottle it and take it to the ring, this could become the world’s most popular sport.”

A UFC promoter agrees and said, “We’ve got some really tough guys in our sport.  But girls, especially models, can be vicious.  They’ll pull hair, scratch, kick, and do anything to win a fight.”  He went on to say, “Who doesn’t want to see models, wearing almost nothing, brutally fighting it out to the finish?  This could grow into big events like Playboy Bunnies vs. Penthouse Pets, or Girls Gone Wild vs. Runway Models.”

Promoters are now scrambling to put together “Babe Bash,” a rumored pay-per-view event featuring America’s top models.  Not surprisingly, many beauties are interested and see a pay day and revenge on the horizon.  “This industry is full of stuck-up skanks that deserve an ass kicking,” said one model.  Another aspiring vixen said, “These skinny bitches ain’t got nothing on me.  I’ll fight any one of them, anytime, anywhere.”

Will we soon see gorgeous models in an octagon, going toe-to-toe?  The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet Blog will keep following this story and provide updates when news breaks.

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