March 31, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. If you missed part 1 of this shocking investigation into why the chicken crossed the road, click here and read it first before proceeding any further.
(Part 2) After being kicked out of the house by his wife for being addicted to Internet porn, Mr. Chicken was forced to live on the streets. He turned to a life of crime and drugs, and became a pimp. The chicken was living the high life, literally. Sex, drugs, and rock and roll became his way of life. According to our sources, he managed to survive without getting caught for about a year. But his crimes eventually caught-up with him and he was busted in a poultry prostitution sting.
After serving six-months in the pen, the chicken was back on the streets and feeling lonely and desperate. He felt he had no where to turn. In a sign of weakness, he scored some meth and headed for Reseda where he knew he could get back into the pimping game. Upon arrival in the valley, he was about to check-in on some old friends, but he noticed a porn shop across the road. As our source described it, the neon lights were calling his name and shaking him to the core. The chicken’s inner-demons sprung into action and made him very weak. He couldn’t resist. He had to cross the road and seek-out the porn he so desperately missed. He did it … he crossed the road at 11:15PM on July 16, 2007.
It was at this moment when our source realized he had just spilled the beans on one of the greatest mysteries of all time. He then began clamming up and didn’t offer many more solid details. But we did learn that after another year on the streets, the chicken decided to clean himself up. He has kicked his addictions to porn and meth and is living in a shelter for recovering addicts. He still enjoys a cold beer from time-to-time, but his life of hard drugs, prostitution, and porn is behind him. He has also apologized to his ex-wife, they’re on friendly terms now, and he visits the chicks on odd weekends.
The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet Blog are happy this great mystery has finally been solved. We’re now trying to unlock the meaning of life. We’ll keep you posted.