April 3, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. Fans and music industry insiders are shocked at reports Lady Gaga may have scammed her way to the top of the charts. According to sources, one of the world’s hottest songs, “Poker Face,” is nothing but a lie.
“We’ve been tracking her for months,” said an FBI spokesman. “We can now confirm Lady Gaga doesn’t know how to play poker. Her song is a lie and we also have no evidence to suggest she’s ever been inside a casino.” He went on to say, “This is a serious crime. Scam artists prey on the vulnerability and good intentions of others. She should be sharing a cell with Bernie Madoff.”
A record label executive, who would only talk with us if we agreed to keep his name out of the story, said, “I’m not proud of it, but this is nothing new. Artists have been lying to the public for years. Do you think Bon Jovi was really ‘wanted dead or alive?’ Prince never drove a ‘little red corvette’ and Carrie Underwood knew that dude’s ‘last name.’ The industry is full of liars and cheats.”
Gaga fans have bombarded message boards with venom and support for the singer. “I don’t care if she can play cards, I can’t. ‘Poker Face’ is an awesome song no matter what,” said a 13-year-old fan who goes by Gaga4Gaga. But FGaga sees it differently. “I downloaded this song for what? A lie? I say F Gaga!” And according to a post by DownWithGaga, there’s a third layer to the fraud. “I’ve spent a ton of money on books and have dedicated my life to learning how to play poker, all because of this song. My life is ruined.”
When asked to comment on the situation, no one from the Lady Gaga camp would go on the record, but they said they’re looking forward to their day in court and that the singer’s innocence would be proven. The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet will continue investigating this story and provide updates when news breaks.