April 1, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. Will taxpayers be forced to fund another trillion-dollar effort? The Supreme Court is poised to be ground-zero for another contentious, civil rights battle. Fools across the country have banded together and are demanding reparations, civil rights, and money in the trillions for the unfair treatment they suffer each year on April Fool’s Day.
“This is government sanctioned discrimination,” said a Fool who was protesting outside the White House on Tuesday evening. “We’re people, too, and we deserve rights. Blacks, gays, Asians, Hispanics, and the mentally challenged all get equal treatment, but we’re mocked every year by this holiday.” Mark Bonner, chief legal counsel for the Fools, had this to say. “We intend to win this case and we expect an apology from President Obama and other world leaders. This will be a victory for all of mankind. We can no longer live in a world where fools are ridiculed like this.”
Opponents in the case are not backing down. “They’re just idiots,” said Dave Ryder, a defendant in the case. “They don’t even realize we’re not mocking them. And even if we were, there’s a thing called freedom of speech. We can make fun of whoever we want.” Another supporter offered a different perspective. “They must think we’re the fools. This is nothing but a cheap attempt to steal trillions of dollars from taxpayers. I can’t wait to see their faces when we tell them April Fool’s Day isn’t even an official holiday, and they have no case.”
Will America’s fools be awarded rights and trillions of dollars? That’s now up to the Supreme Court. The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet Blog will continue following this story and provide updates when news breaks. And maybe these fools aren’t so foolish after all, they just might get paid.