Tag Archives: clear Channel

Breaking News: 100 Days

news2April 30, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. Marking 100 days in office, Barack Obama once again interrupted prime time television programming for another live press conference/speech.  And while most of the news media is focused on things they call “news,” like the economy, swine flu (er H1N1), or the inexcusable Air Force One photo-op that costs taxpayers $330,000, there’s a lot of other news that’s going unnoticed.  Therefore, the reporters here at Thank God For the Internet wanted to bring you up-to-date on some of the things you should know.

  1. Kim Kardashian did a photo spread for Life & Style and she wouldn’t let them airbrush the photos.  So, they show her au naturel, with some (sexy) cellulite.  AOL felt this was such a BIG news story they posted it on their homepage.
  2. In Mexico, taco stands have been shut down and 176 soccer games will be without fans, both due to the swine flu.  No bueno.
  3. In Iran, the Jew-hating Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is running for re-election and he’s using a campaign slogan familiar to us Americans – “Yes, We Can.”  The trouble is he means, “Yes, we can wipe Israel off the map,  kill anyone who doesn’t share our religious beliefs, keep our women locked in the basement, arrest journalists, beat pets, outlaw heavy metal and hot chicks, and torture anyone who doesn’t vote for him.”  Yes, we can see how this is going to turn out.
  4. Kenyan women have their men by the balls, so to speak.  They’re threatening a sex strike if the men don’t stop fighting with each other.  Reminds me of an old girlfriend I once had.  Good times.
  5. Did you know there’s actually an Orgasm Curch?  There is, in Sweden, and it’s officially named The Madonna of Orgasm Church?  We’ve got a long way to go, America.  Feel free to insert your best “Oh, God” sex joke here.
  6. Obviously, the best way to get a raise is to protest wages by cutting off your finger and eating it.
  7. Clear Channel, the radio giant, has laid off more than 2,500 people this year.  If you think radio sucks, you now know why.
  8. A guy old enough to be your grandpa hopped on one of those electric carts you find at a grocery store.  He then cruised around the joint while drinking wine and eating candy (and probably grabbing some ass).  He eventually rode out of the store without paying.  Sounds fun.  Age really is just a state of mind.
  9. In the is this really what we’re dealing with category, North Korea threatened to perform more missile tests if the U.N. doesn’t apologize for condemning their first missile tests.  Sure, we can negotiate with North Korea.  All we have to do is master the phrases, “I know you are, but what am I?” and “I’m rubber, you’re glue …”
  10. For the second time this year, rumors are swirling that things are not good in the Jon & Kate Plus 8 household.  Jon was once again seen out with another girl.  With my respect and love for Kate and their 8 kids aside, how great and scandalous would it be if Jon hooked-up with the other Octomom?
Of course, there’s much more where all of this came from.  The reporters at Thank God For the Internet will bring you more updates in our week-in-review special later this week.
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