April 7, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. Officials at NASA announced they’ve purchased massive quantities of Mighty Mendit to repair their shuttles. “This product is simply amazing,” said Dr. Finelore, a NASA Scientist. “We were all sitting around watching TV and the Mighty Mendit infomercial came on. When we heard Billy Mays tell us the product dries crystal clear and could withstand storm-force winds, we had to buy a tube and test it out.”
After a few experiments, the NASA brass were hooked. “It’s simply the greatest product ever. I can’t believe we didn’t invent it,” said Chief of Research & Development, Kevin Bocker. “The claims are right. Mighty Mendit saves the day. Hell, it just might save the shuttle program altogether.” Bocker went on to say, “Our astronauts can use this for everything from mending a rip in their suits to holding the shuttle together while flying thousands of miles per-hour and enduring intense heat.”
Even legendary astronaut Buzz Aldrin is impressed with Mighty Mendit. “I wish Neil and I had something this great back when we landed on the moon. We had some big troubles on that trip, and regular glue just didn’t help. There’s almost nothing this stuff can’t fix, and I love that it’s machine washable, too.”
A NASA spokesperson gave details on the purchase. “We feel like we have egg on our face. We invented our own super glue decades ago, but it costs us about $3 million per-ounce. Now we can get three bottles of Mighty Mendit for just $19.95. So, you do the math. Not only are we going to save lives, but we’re going to save billions of dollars by using Mighty Mendit. Maybe this miracle glue will keep the shuttle program running forever? Thanks, Mighty Mendit.”
The reporters here at Thank God for the Internet will continue monitoring this story and provide updates when news breaks.