Lent Call To Action

red-lightApril 6, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. As Lent comes to a close this weekend, the reporters here at Thank God For the Internet are sending an urgent call to action to America’s most influential people.  We ask the following leaders to remember what the great John F. Kennedy said,  “Ask not what your country can do for you.  Ask what you can do for your country.”

It’s in that spirit we send a plea to the following people and ask them, if only for the final week of Lent, stop making the world nuts.

  • American Idol judges:  Stop using speech crutches.
  • Lindsay & Sam:  Stop fighting and drinking (and Lindsay, stop not eating).
  • Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid:  Stop bailing everyone out.
  • Wolf Blitzer:  Please stop saying “uh” and “um” and ending every sentence on a down note.
  • Madonna and Angelina:  Stop stealing babies from other countries.
  • ABC:  It’s time for Dancing With the Stars to stop.
  • Starbucks:  You’re killing us for a cup of coffee, please stop it.
  • NFL Players:  Stop getting arrested.
  • Megan Fox:  Enough with being so beautiful, just stop.
  • Bill O’Reilly:  The yelling must stop.
  • John Mayer:  Please stop messing with Jen, even if it’s just for this week.
  • Dr. Drew:  Stop being so smart and making everyone else look so dumb.
  • Fall Out Boy:  Please stop releasing music.
  • Samuel L. Jackson:  You’re so cool you make everyone else look lame, stop it.
  • Heidi and Spencer:  Just stop everything you’re doing.
  • Terrell Owens:  Stop loving you so much you and go to practice.
  • Billy Mays (the infomercial king).  Stop yelling at us.  BTW – no one believes the Mighty Mend-It can survive hurricane-force winds.
  • Oprah:  You’re running the country, please stop and let Barack have a chance.
  • Tom Cruise:  Stop holding Katie hostage, set her free once and for all.
  • Burger King:  The Angry Whopper is a lie; there’s no such thing as an angry onion.  Stop it.
  • The Snuggie makers:  You are one of the reasons the terrorists hate us.  Please stop putting the country in danger.
  • Brooke Burke:  We love ya, but stop with the ultra-boring Tweets on Twitter.
  • Denver Broncos:  Stop trading away pro bowl quarterbacks.
  • North Korea:  Stop firing rockets and spend some money feeding your people.
  • Octomom:  Just stop it, period!

The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet are doing our part to help make the world a better place.  Happy last week of Lent to all you Lenters.  And if we’ve left anyone off this list, feel free add some via a comment.

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