March 17, 2009 — Santa Monica, CA. As many look forward to tonight’s episode, critics are leveling serious charges against America’s #1 show. Is American Idol causing a massive growth in alcoholism among viewers? The director of Drunks R Bad thinks so and said, “People love their drinking games, and American Idol is #1 in that area, too. When millions play the ‘Idol drinking game’ a few times each week, you can see how a plague would begin to form. And it has.”
The game in question is called “I’m Drunk, Dogg.” It’s based on watching American Idol and drinking whenever one of the four judges uses a speech crutch. An avid player further explained the concept. “It’s simple. Pick a few of the speech crutches you think the judges will use, like yo; dogg; dude; man; you know; you know what; or I mean. When you hear any of them, it’s time to drink.” He went on to say, “It’s the best game ever. I always end up blasted. Randy said ‘you know what’ ten times last week. And tonight will be awesome; we’ll use green beer to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day.”
Authorities are pleading with the show’s producers for help. “We love the show and the judges, but alcoholism is no laughing matter. It’s time for Randy, Kara, Paula, and Simon to realize they can be role models, and speak out against alcoholism by not using speech crutches all the time,” said the head of the Anti-Idol Drinking Society.
Fans are quick to defend the show, saying TV drinking games have been around for years and laying blame on one show is unfair. “They can outlaw this game, but people will find another show to get drunk with. The only way to stop this is to eliminate television,” said a liquor store manager. Another fan had this to say. “Yo, you know what, dude? For me, I mean, you know; I love how the judges speak, it’s hot. ”
Calls to American Idol producers have not been returned. The reporters here at Thank God For the Internet Blog will continue following this story and provide updates when news breaks. Further, we urge all Americans to either drink responsibly or not at all.